Thoughts

What I would do right now for a nice romp somewhere. Wow, have I been starved lately or what? That or my sexual appetite increases as I get older? Not sure, but I do know that it is becoming more of a burden then a blessing, especially with the urge to have that more dominating figure in my life increases. I think it's because I'm so dominating and on top of everything else in my life that when it comes to relationships or sex, I would really like to put myself more in that old fashioned feminine type role. I was brought up in the "male is the head of household" type setting and I would really prefer that in SOME aspects at home as well. My father can handle it well, he's a very dominating figure. The SO on the other hand, has no problems standing up to me, but when it comes to asserting himself and knowing what he's doing in running a household, I have another thing coming and always end up taking care of it. Luckily I do not have any children, not that I do not like them, quite the opposite but I do know I would be the one laying down the law with them.

I normally love Mondays, today however, is not off to a good start. My attempts at getting the SO to actually be a more soft spoken gentle man are failing. I was under the impression that he was the one who wanted to change this, and asked for my help so when I actually try to help him change, he no longer wants to. It is becoming a bit confusing.

C sent me a text yesterday. Luckily it was very platonic, with just a simple "Happy Easter". The man does not give up. He wrote me a long email in which he explained that he understood and would still like to have my friendship. I agreed and we have been talking all morning. It feels strange to say but I missed him, for a while there we were texting, talking and emailing all day long, every day. It's good to have that part of him back in my life. His wife obviously is in the process of a quiet separation from him, I'm not sure who knows or who has found out yet about this. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. As long as my name isn't brought up anywhere it's all good. I stopped at a little coffee shop Saturday, as I pulled up I saw a tv van in the parking lot. My heart started to race and I felt a bit weak, just the thought of everything coming out makes me very nervous. At that same moment thoughts of C naked in the shower also popped in my head, calmed me down for a while..haha.

I have been going through some serious M withdrawal. His in laws have been in town and he's had multiple projects for his work so I have not been able to talk to him much the past week. I miss his eloquent writing, he is seriously the most well spoken man I have ever met in my life.

In that same breath I heard from A this weekend as well. I had revoked his access to my pictures on AM. I prefer for someone to be straight up honest with me, tell me exactly what is up. If they do not like or want to be around me fine, just say so..but I don't like being played with in that manner, nor do I chase after people and I felt like it was going to get to that point with him so I backed off. He emailed me, asking why I had done this and letting me know he'd be in town more often now. I can not tell you how wonderful it would be to see him again. I felt the connection there, besides sexual but I'm staying at a distance for now. Probably in my best interest, I really don't want to get my emotions too involved, even though I have obviously had a past history of doing so. Learn from your mistakes I suppose.

Today is just started and I wish it was already ending. Pretty sad. haha.