Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Woot!

So I was checking up on the blogs I read on here and I noticed that someone else received lovin from their SO as well. I was just about to write how wonderful it is to have the man you are with actually pay attention and she beat me to it..so go get it girl! Good job! :)

Anyways, yes. I did receive a bit of lovin last night from the SO. Yesterday started out like a normal day, talking to friends and working. Then around two in the afternoon M finally wrote me! Aww how lovely it was to hear from him, I had missed him. His email was amazing, as always, he has the most eloquent writing skills. Near the end of the email he wrote: "Honey- You look so smokin hot in the fishnets..... I'd love to see you close to me in those...... I'd snake my hands through the threads and grasp two lovely hand fulls of your ass cheeks under that tight little school-girls dress of yours...... make you go down on me till I got all slippery and hard.... then bend you over and spank you before I spread your rosey cheeks and thrust deeply into you from behind while you stroked and massaged my throbbing balls and let them bounce against your dripping clit........ " That did it. I was wet the rest of the day.


By the time I got home I was about ready to burst. The SO came home early and he actually wanted to lay in bed and watch a movie with me. For some reason he was a bit worked up as well and before I knew it we were rolling around having an amazing romp session. I didn't really get much "out" of it if you know what I mean, but I still enjoyed it. It was good to have that bit of a connection with him again. It has been a long time. Makes me curious what got him that way in the first place.

Had a lovely chat with G this morning. For being an older gentlemen he sure could run circles around me that's for sure. He's an interesting character. I'm curious to see where this goes exactly.

C is still up to the same, he text me a picture of himself at the gym today to help me start the day. How kind of him. ;-)

Monday, April 5, 2010

Thoughts

What I would do right now for a nice romp somewhere. Wow, have I been starved lately or what? That or my sexual appetite increases as I get older? Not sure, but I do know that it is becoming more of a burden then a blessing, especially with the urge to have that more dominating figure in my life increases. I think it's because I'm so dominating and on top of everything else in my life that when it comes to relationships or sex, I would really like to put myself more in that old fashioned feminine type role. I was brought up in the "male is the head of household" type setting and I would really prefer that in SOME aspects at home as well. My father can handle it well, he's a very dominating figure. The SO on the other hand, has no problems standing up to me, but when it comes to asserting himself and knowing what he's doing in running a household, I have another thing coming and always end up taking care of it. Luckily I do not have any children, not that I do not like them, quite the opposite but I do know I would be the one laying down the law with them.

I normally love Mondays, today however, is not off to a good start. My attempts at getting the SO to actually be a more soft spoken gentle man are failing. I was under the impression that he was the one who wanted to change this, and asked for my help so when I actually try to help him change, he no longer wants to. It is becoming a bit confusing.

C sent me a text yesterday. Luckily it was very platonic, with just a simple "Happy Easter". The man does not give up. He wrote me a long email in which he explained that he understood and would still like to have my friendship. I agreed and we have been talking all morning. It feels strange to say but I missed him, for a while there we were texting, talking and emailing all day long, every day. It's good to have that part of him back in my life. His wife obviously is in the process of a quiet separation from him, I'm not sure who knows or who has found out yet about this. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. As long as my name isn't brought up anywhere it's all good. I stopped at a little coffee shop Saturday, as I pulled up I saw a tv van in the parking lot. My heart started to race and I felt a bit weak, just the thought of everything coming out makes me very nervous. At that same moment thoughts of C naked in the shower also popped in my head, calmed me down for a while..haha.

I have been going through some serious M withdrawal. His in laws have been in town and he's had multiple projects for his work so I have not been able to talk to him much the past week. I miss his eloquent writing, he is seriously the most well spoken man I have ever met in my life.

In that same breath I heard from A this weekend as well. I had revoked his access to my pictures on AM. I prefer for someone to be straight up honest with me, tell me exactly what is up. If they do not like or want to be around me fine, just say so..but I don't like being played with in that manner, nor do I chase after people and I felt like it was going to get to that point with him so I backed off. He emailed me, asking why I had done this and letting me know he'd be in town more often now. I can not tell you how wonderful it would be to see him again. I felt the connection there, besides sexual but I'm staying at a distance for now. Probably in my best interest, I really don't want to get my emotions too involved, even though I have obviously had a past history of doing so. Learn from your mistakes I suppose.

Today is just started and I wish it was already ending. Pretty sad. haha.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Long Night

So I'm sitting here trying to wake up. It's not working. Last night was fun but wow, not something I could do every day. Most of the muscles in my body are sore.

Interesting things happened last night. I was around B for a while...he showed up, sort of uninvited. Not only was it awkward to have him around my family member but he would not leave. He was completely out of place where we were at and it was just...odd. I didn't want to be rude and tell him to go away, so I made conversation with him but it was uncomfortable. Maybe he felt it was ok to show up out of the blue because of the email i sent him about a scenario I wanted to have again one day. It included me riding him in the back of his pickup, which this morning, would have been a very fun way to start the day. Anyways, maybe he felt that it would happen last night. I did let him know that if by chance I did see him I wouldn't be able to talk long. After a while he finally left and we went in where we were going with J in tow. He looked very nice actually, out of place, but handsome in his clean cut white button up shirt, and dress shoes.




*random thought -- someone once asked me, how do i remember and keep track of everyone? My response was...one in my heart, the rest are the sprinkles. They each have their own unique ways and personalities, so each one holds my attention in different ways. Makes sense right?*

Sitting at the bar with my friends, I sat just looking around and I realized there was an extremely attractive 30-something man standing by himself next to me. Gorgeous dimples, some of the lightest blue eyes I have ever seen and a smile that just seemed genuine. Out of the corner of my eye, while talking to everyone, I could see him keep glancing over at us every few moments. So finally, after about an hour, he taps my shoulder and whispers in my ear "Do you know who this is playing?". I had no clue, so I told him it was someone I had never heard before, of course the conversation sparked from there. I noticed he had on a wedding ring and I let him know I saw it. He mentioned the two of them sort of did their own thing and asked about mine, I said the same and that was that. After a while when we all moved to a different part of the building, these crowds were beginning to form, and I was pushed a bit by someone passing by. This man not only caught me but he wrapped his arms around me, clasping his hands together on my stomach. I found that to be very sweet surprisingly, he didn't keep them there very long. He moved his hands to my hips while we were standing there with me in front of him and pulled me up firmly against him. Wow. Very nice. A bit later I backed off from him slightly because I could feel the chemistry that was between us and since I didn't really the know the man, I didn't want anything extreme to happen. We had a few more nice conversations, a sweet hug, exchanged names and that was the end of our meeting. It was quite interesting having that sort of chemistry so quickly. Made for a fun night.


J saw everything that went down and I could see it bothered him. In a way, I'm glad it did. What he had done actually hurt me and he knew it. I know you all don't know the story behind that but J was a man I have known for many many years, we were insanely close, he knew things about me most people would never know and he ended up confessing that he was in love with me. With which I told him I loved him too (which I do but its sort of like how I love my brother, or sister) but I didn't want to be with him, he was my best friend and if he couldn't handle it, being just that, then so be it. He said he was ok with that, until one night during a drunken stupor he betrayed my trust, let a lot of things out to people that should have not known certain things and broke the bond that we had. I am having problems forgetting what happened. I forgive decently well, because obviously I have a lot that needs to be forgiven as well, but forgetting is a different thing.

I'm sitting here reading what I just wrote and it makes me sound so cold. Maybe I am in a way, I think that deep down I like to see someone that hurt me hurt as much as they made me hurt. I do not intentionally find a way to hurt them though. If that makes sense at all. I know that a plethora of people out there feel the same way. They just may never admit it. I would really prefer to just make people happy, I don't go out of my way to try to hurt people, but if someone does something to me on purpose and it hurts me badly, then when I see them in pain it doesn't bother me.

On happy notes, it is Friday! My weekends are busier than the week so I'm sure I'll probably have very little sleep and still get nothing I would like to accomplished. At least I wont be looking at four computers constantly for a few days, right? Now that I have written a novel I will go.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Another Day..

*note to self...read what you write* I just read my blog from yesterday and I was appalled at my grammer and punctuation. lol So today, I must read what I write before I post it. No more ramblings.

So this morning, as I sit here getting ready to start my day, I realize all that I have already accomplished this morning. C wrote me, he seemed to be getting impatient, from the way I took what he was saying, he is wanting to leave his wife and pursue something serious with me. I have a couple of problems with this. One..i see this whole thing being splattered everywhere you could imagine, me as the side whore who ruins another "happy" marriage, with my every movement being watched and him being another man sent to "sex rehab" because of his affairs with me. I really don't think that is something I want to deal with. Let alone the SO finding out and the drama that would follow. I am not completely cold hearted, quite the opposite. If there were certain changes in the relationship between us, like I have been begging for, for a while now, I would not feel the way I do, I would put myself whole heartedly into "us". Since this has yet to occur even with me asking straight up, I have stopped begging and now it's just the waiting game to see how long I will put up with it not being there. Two...I know that I'm not in love with this man (C). So something serious in the first place, even in a "normal" situation, would be out of the question. Don't get me wrong, he's very sweet and kind and loving of his child but the connection between us just isn't there. So I tried to tell him that it was just not logical. He didn't take it too well, I told him if he ever needed someone to talk to he could talk to me but that was it. His exact words were "So u don't want me out of ur life, what do u want with me exactly? I think ur special enough to wait for." Um hello..did i miss something? I hate repeating myself.

On that same breath B wrote me as well. He's a lot older than me, but wow, doesn't look it. Good looking man; tall, dark haired, intelligent with a deep commanding voice..rawr. haha. I'm going to be out in the gulf coast side of Florida this evening without the SO and he wanted to know if he could possibly meet me there. Not that I have a problem with that sort of thing normally, but I will have a family member with me, I don't like them getting involved even if they don't realize it. So not sure how I'm going to deal with that one. One thing I can say about B, he's extremely passionate, and for those of you out there reading this.. no I'm not talking about sex..yet ;-) I mean, just in his writing. He is not the best writer, but neither am I so who am I to complain? His writings just show a man full of life. I love that.

I was in the middle of this amazing dream last night, a memory of a moment with M, his hand lightly against my cheek, lips on my neck, feeling his amazingly defined arm under his polo shirt and as I move down...then BAM the SO wakes me up. There should be a law against that or something. Now if only I could go back to that moment. ahh. good stuff.

I just received an email, a few minutes ago, from the A man (the local man I met). He was just telling me about his day and said he hoped I had a great one and that he would be south of me today looking at a new project. Curious. Funny that I log into AM last night and the next morning he's contacting me after not doing so for a few days at least. I'm not exactly sure how to take that. Our last conversation involved trying to figure out a way to see each other again, with me telling him to just let me know and him not responding, now this? I do know that the fact that it bothered me a bit, that he would contact me so quickly after the fact, yet not do so before then, is something I need to watch out for. I should not be getting bothered by something so small. Right? Hm. Keeping him at bay and at a distance is probably the best bet for now then. I am by far not a drama queen and I do not need to start now. lol

So question for those out there in a similar situation as mine, what brought you to the point of finding it else where? Just curious as to the responses.

Today should be interesting. Music time, my release from everything. When I'm listening or playing it, the world is my oyster. Nothing could stop me. I have waited for that release for a while now. I haven't been able to practice or be around it for at least a week and it's driving me mad. I was able to dance a bit last night, which helps, just moving to the music, imagining I'm somewhere else..it's amazing, but not the same. I love the feeling of being caught up in the moment, locked in a song, understanding the meaning behind it. Tonight can not come quickly enough.

The comment problem should be fixed, if there is still a problem please let me know.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

FIRST TIME ... THOUGHTS OF THE AFFAIRS

Oh how many men would flip out if they ever knew it was me that was writing this blog now. Not that any of them will ever find out. Hopefully. I was always told to write a book about the people I have met and dated or been around. This is sort of my way to let it out because not one person in this world knows the complete story of what my life is like. It is both a good thing and a bad thing because I obviously keep a fair amount of secrets. I could not/can not keep it in a written journal because if anyone in my house were to find it my life as I know it would be over. I am an attached woman living two different lives.
I've always liked knowing that men were attracted to me, but who doesn't like to know that? i mean honestly. I'm a very sexual, yet a bit emotional at times, woman. I am meaning in the fact that I care for people in general, i love helping people and so therefore I have a tendancy of putting myself last, especially in relationships. In the little world I live in, well I know you can tell where I'm going with this.
So I was flipping through blogs one day and ran acrossed this one that was going on about this website for people that are already "attached" (AM), I thought, no way this place exsists. Oh it does. I joined, no profile picture and BAM within 24 hours I had a load of messages. Now don't get me wrong, up until now I had talked to, flirted with , dated and other things of that sort many men..even sometimes since I've been with him. I have never really sought out someone who was also attached to join me in my ventures.
I received a message from someone local, after a few sweet emails we met up at a local bookstore one evening. He was better looking than his pictures. We chatted for a while inside, he helped me find a book and then we headed out to our cars to have a chat. Standing there in the cold, after about an hour of talking, he grabbed me, pulled me near him and kissed me.Now let me tell you, I havent felt that comfortable and those kind of sparks in a long time. The strangest thing happened, both him and i expressed how much we wanted to see each other again and how much we have want each other. Go figure I have yet to see him again. Anytime he has been in town my SO has been home, so i couldn't leave and anytime I was free his SO would be with him. We write sometimes but they have become less and less. I guess that is what scheduling can do to you. lol
Since then so far, there are a few new people. One of which I have been talking to and texting, sending pictures back and forth and just as we were starting to talk more that whole "Tiger Woods" thing came out. Yeah, didn't really help our situation just for the simple fact that if anyone were to find out about him and i talking the way we have and just everything, well yeah, it'd be a big deal. So then the night before last i get a text from him, he told me that she had found out, he said she didn't know to what extent we had been talking but she had found out that he had been on AM and that there was someone with my name. So crap, that has slowed down.
I work a lot and I am in school, so as far as everyone is concerned, I have no time for anything else but since he has not been filling my life too consumed with what he does...well I've been finding the ventures elsewhere so to speak. The funny thing is my personal life in other aspects has gotten much better. It's like the minute I got on AM things started to change at home. I noticed a lot of them more so lately, so it makes me wonder, should I stop? I don't know.
Right now I'm on the fence because I really really reallyyyyyy enjoy passion, strong capable, agressive men. Something I don't really have at home. So we'll see how this all works out.
From now on no more talking about home. lol