Another Day..

*note to self...read what you write* I just read my blog from yesterday and I was appalled at my grammer and punctuation. lol So today, I must read what I write before I post it. No more ramblings.

So this morning, as I sit here getting ready to start my day, I realize all that I have already accomplished this morning. C wrote me, he seemed to be getting impatient, from the way I took what he was saying, he is wanting to leave his wife and pursue something serious with me. I have a couple of problems with this. One..i see this whole thing being splattered everywhere you could imagine, me as the side whore who ruins another "happy" marriage, with my every movement being watched and him being another man sent to "sex rehab" because of his affairs with me. I really don't think that is something I want to deal with. Let alone the SO finding out and the drama that would follow. I am not completely cold hearted, quite the opposite. If there were certain changes in the relationship between us, like I have been begging for, for a while now, I would not feel the way I do, I would put myself whole heartedly into "us". Since this has yet to occur even with me asking straight up, I have stopped begging and now it's just the waiting game to see how long I will put up with it not being there. Two...I know that I'm not in love with this man (C). So something serious in the first place, even in a "normal" situation, would be out of the question. Don't get me wrong, he's very sweet and kind and loving of his child but the connection between us just isn't there. So I tried to tell him that it was just not logical. He didn't take it too well, I told him if he ever needed someone to talk to he could talk to me but that was it. His exact words were "So u don't want me out of ur life, what do u want with me exactly? I think ur special enough to wait for." Um hello..did i miss something? I hate repeating myself.

On that same breath B wrote me as well. He's a lot older than me, but wow, doesn't look it. Good looking man; tall, dark haired, intelligent with a deep commanding voice..rawr. haha. I'm going to be out in the gulf coast side of Florida this evening without the SO and he wanted to know if he could possibly meet me there. Not that I have a problem with that sort of thing normally, but I will have a family member with me, I don't like them getting involved even if they don't realize it. So not sure how I'm going to deal with that one. One thing I can say about B, he's extremely passionate, and for those of you out there reading this.. no I'm not talking about sex..yet ;-) I mean, just in his writing. He is not the best writer, but neither am I so who am I to complain? His writings just show a man full of life. I love that.

I was in the middle of this amazing dream last night, a memory of a moment with M, his hand lightly against my cheek, lips on my neck, feeling his amazingly defined arm under his polo shirt and as I move down...then BAM the SO wakes me up. There should be a law against that or something. Now if only I could go back to that moment. ahh. good stuff.

I just received an email, a few minutes ago, from the A man (the local man I met). He was just telling me about his day and said he hoped I had a great one and that he would be south of me today looking at a new project. Curious. Funny that I log into AM last night and the next morning he's contacting me after not doing so for a few days at least. I'm not exactly sure how to take that. Our last conversation involved trying to figure out a way to see each other again, with me telling him to just let me know and him not responding, now this? I do know that the fact that it bothered me a bit, that he would contact me so quickly after the fact, yet not do so before then, is something I need to watch out for. I should not be getting bothered by something so small. Right? Hm. Keeping him at bay and at a distance is probably the best bet for now then. I am by far not a drama queen and I do not need to start now. lol

So question for those out there in a similar situation as mine, what brought you to the point of finding it else where? Just curious as to the responses.

Today should be interesting. Music time, my release from everything. When I'm listening or playing it, the world is my oyster. Nothing could stop me. I have waited for that release for a while now. I haven't been able to practice or be around it for at least a week and it's driving me mad. I was able to dance a bit last night, which helps, just moving to the music, imagining I'm somewhere else..it's amazing, but not the same. I love the feeling of being caught up in the moment, locked in a song, understanding the meaning behind it. Tonight can not come quickly enough.

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